Internal Family Systems for Gender Exploration: A Compassionate Approach in Philadelphia

Exploring your gender identity can feel like a journey with many twists and turns. Sometimes, you might feel like different parts of yourself have different ideas about who you are or how you want to express yourself. That's where Internal Family Systems, or IFS for short, can be a really helpful tool. I use IFS for gender exploration as a way to help you get to know all those different inner voices and feelings, and learn how to help them work together, guided by your core self.

Key Takeaways

• IFS therapy sees your inner world as a collection of 'parts,' each with its own role and feelings, which can be applied to understanding different aspects of gender identity.
• The 'Core Self' in IFS is your inner wisdom and calm center, which can guide you through gender exploration with self-compassion.
• IFS helps heal parts that might be critical or scared, allowing for more authentic gender expression and reducing self-doubt.
• This approach can be especially useful for addressing trauma related to gender identity, working gently with protective parts.
• IFS for gender exploration offers a way to integrate all parts of yourself, leading to a more unified and confident sense of self.

Understanding Internal Family Systems for Gender Exploration

Internal Family Systems, or IFS, is a way of looking at our inner world. It suggests that you're not just one single person, but rather a whole system of different "parts." Think of it like a family living inside you, each part with its own job, feelings, and perspective. This model, developed by Richard Schwartz, is really helpful when you're trying to figure out your gender identity. It offers a gentle, non-judgmental way to explore all the different feelings and thoughts that come up.

Instead of seeing these parts as problems, IFS sees them as protectors that developed for a reason, often to keep you safe from pain or difficult experiences. This approach is especially useful for LGBTQ+ individuals who have often faced judgment or rejection, as it validates all aspects of your inner experience. As a queer-identified therapist, I understand how important it is to have a space where all of who you are is welcomed. It's a path toward understanding and healing your whole internal family, allowing for more wholeness and self-acceptance. You can learn more about IFS therapy.

What Is Internal Family Systems Therapy?

IFS therapy is built on the idea that our minds are made up of many different "parts." These aren't separate personalities, but rather different aspects of yourself that have developed over time. You have parts that are like managers, trying to keep things running smoothly and prevent you from feeling overwhelmed. Then there are the exiled parts, which often hold onto pain, fear, or shame from past experiences. And finally, there are firefighter parts, which jump into action to distract you or numb difficult feelings when they threaten to surface.

The goal of IFS therapy is to help these parts communicate with each other and with your core Self, leading to a more harmonious inner system. It's a very different approach from therapies that might try to eliminate parts. Instead, IFS works to understand and appreciate what each part is trying to do.

The Core Self: Your Inner Guide

At the very center of your internal system is what IFS calls the "Self." This isn't a part, but rather your true essence – the undamaged, wise, and compassionate core of who you are. The Self is characterized by qualities like curiosity, calm, courage, clarity, confidence, creativity, and connectedness. When you're disconnected from your Self, your parts tend to take over, often leading to conflict and distress.

In my work with you, I help you access and connect with your Self, so it can lead your internal system. When your Self is in the lead, you can approach your parts with understanding and compassion, allowing for deeper healing and self-leadership. It's like having an inner guide who knows the way forward, even when things feel confusing.

Understanding Your Parts: Managers, Exiles, and Firefighters

Let me break down the main types of parts in IFS:

• Managers: These parts are proactive. They try to control your environment and your experiences to prevent pain or rejection. Think of a part that makes you a perfectionist, or one that constantly seeks approval from others. They're trying to keep you safe by managing how you present yourself to the world.
• Exiles: These are the parts that carry the burdens of past hurts, fears, and traumas. They're often young and vulnerable, and they've been "exiled" by the managers to keep their intense feelings from overwhelming the system. When these parts are activated, they can bring up feelings of sadness, shame, or fear.
• Firefighters: These parts react when exiled feelings start to surface. Their job is to quickly extinguish the emotional fire, often through extreme behaviors like substance use, binge eating, or intense emotional outbursts. They're trying to prevent you from feeling the pain held by the exiles, but their methods can be destructive.

Understanding these different roles within your internal family can be a huge step in exploring your gender identity. It allows you to see that conflicting feelings or self-doubt aren't signs of being broken, but rather the work of different parts trying to protect you in various ways.

Navigating Gender Identity with IFS

Sometimes, figuring out who you are when it comes to gender can feel like a tangled mess. You might have different parts of yourself that seem to be pulling in opposite directions. One part might feel a strong pull towards a certain gender expression, while another part might be really worried about what others will think or how to stay safe. This is where Internal Family Systems can be a real help.

Exploring Conflicting Feelings About Gender

It's totally normal to have parts of you that feel conflicted about your gender identity. Maybe one part feels excited and authentic when you think about presenting as a certain gender, but another part is filled with fear or shame, perhaps from past experiences or societal messages. In my practice, I help you see these different feelings not as a sign that something is wrong with you, but as different parts of your internal family, each with its own story and intention. Together, you can learn to listen to these parts without judgment.

Here's a way to think about it:

• The Authentic Part: This part might feel a strong sense of self, a clear knowing of who you are, and a desire to express that openly. It often feels lighter and more joyful.
• The Protective Part: This part might be focused on safety, trying to prevent rejection, judgment, or harm. It might push down feelings or encourage you to conform to expectations.
• The Confused Part: This part might feel overwhelmed by conflicting information, societal pressures, or internal doubts, making it hard to know what to believe or how to move forward.

I help you understand that these aren't opposing forces fighting against each other, but different aspects of you that need to be heard and understood.

Healing Internal Criticism and Self-Doubt

Many people exploring their gender identity run into an inner critic. This part can be really harsh, telling you you're not "really" trans, or that you're making a mistake, or that you'll never be accepted. This inner critic often develops as a way to protect you from perceived external judgment or rejection. It learned that by being critical, it could keep you 'safe' from hurt.

IFS offers a way to work with this critical part. Instead of fighting it, I approach it with curiosity alongside you. I help you ask it what it's trying to do for you, what it's afraid will happen if it stops being critical. Often, you'll find that this critical part is just trying to protect a more vulnerable part – an "exile" – that holds pain, fear, or shame related to gender.

Connecting with Your Authentic Gender Expression

My goal in using IFS is to help your Core Self – that calm, wise, and compassionate center within you – take the lead. When your Self is in charge, it can help your different parts feel seen and understood. This allows the protective parts to relax their extreme strategies, and the vulnerable parts to begin to heal.

As your Self leads, you can start to connect more deeply with your authentic gender expression. This isn't about forcing yourself to be a certain way, but about allowing your true self to emerge. It's about creating an internal environment where all your parts feel safe enough to let your authentic gender expression shine through, leading to a greater sense of peace and wholeness.

Addressing Trauma Through IFS for Gender Journeys

Many people in the LGBTQ+ community carry the weight of trauma. This can come from discrimination, rejection, or even violence. The Internal Family Systems model offers a way to approach this trauma that feels gentle and paced. It really respects the parts of you that have learned to protect you. Instead of jumping right into painful memories, I first help you connect with your Core Self to build a sense of safety. I work with those protective parts, building trust before even looking at traumatic material. Your internal parts actually guide the pace, making sure that healing feels strengthening, not overwhelming.

Trauma-Informed Care for LGBTQ+ Individuals

It's tough when therapy doesn't quite get what it's like to live as a queer or trans person in a world that isn't always safe. Traditional trauma therapy can sometimes miss the mark, overlooking the impact of minority stress, discrimination, or family rejection. As someone who is queer-identified and married to a trans woman, I bring both professional training and personal understanding to this work. IFS therapy is built on the idea that all parts of you are welcome. I name the realities of living in a world that hasn't always felt affirming and make space for all of you – the parts that have learned to protect, hide, or fight just to get by. You don't have to leave pieces of yourself at the door to heal. This approach is designed to honor your unique identity and experiences.

In Philadelphia, you have access to wonderful community resources like the Mazzoni Center and the Attic Youth Center that can provide additional support alongside therapy. I often help clients connect with these resources as part of their broader support network.

Working with Protective Parts and Traumatic Material

When I work with trauma in IFS, I start by getting to know your protective parts. These are the parts that developed strategies to keep you safe, maybe by making you hypervigilant, or by causing you to withdraw. I learn to appreciate what these parts have done for you, even if their methods aren't serving you well anymore. I gain their trust, letting them know that you, as the Self, are now in charge and can handle things differently.

Once these protectors feel seen and understood, they are often willing to let us gently approach the exiled parts that hold the painful memories and emotions from traumatic experiences. This collaborative process helps to unburden those exiled parts and integrate the experiences in a way that feels manageable.

Pacing Healing with Your Internal System

Healing from trauma isn't a race. Your internal system knows what it can handle and when. In my practice, I follow the lead of your parts. This means I don't push too hard or too fast. If a part is overwhelmed, I back off and focus on building more resources and safety within your system. This might involve:

• Connecting with your Core Self for calm and clarity.
• Working with other parts that can offer comfort or strength.
• Gently exploring the traumatic material at a pace that feels right for you.

This careful pacing helps prevent re-traumatization and builds a solid foundation for lasting healing. It's about creating a sense of internal safety and trust, allowing your whole system to move towards wholeness. Exploring these complex emotions can be made easier with tools like art therapy, which offers a non-verbal way to express what words might struggle to capture.

Integrating IFS with Other Therapeutic Modalities

Internal Family Systems is a powerful framework on its own, but sometimes, combining it with other approaches can really help things click. It's like having a whole toolbox instead of just a hammer – you can pick the right tool for the job. In my practice, I often blend IFS with other modalities to create a personalized approach that works best for you.

IFS and Art Therapy for Non-Verbal Exploration

Sometimes, feelings about gender, identity, or past experiences are just too big or tangled up to put into words. That's where my training in art therapy comes in. You don't need to be Picasso or anything; it's more about using colors, shapes, or even just scribbles to get things out. I can help you use art to represent different parts of your internal family, or to explore feelings that are hard to talk about directly.

It's a way to connect with those deeper, sometimes hidden, parts of yourself. This can be especially helpful when words feel like they just aren't enough to capture the complexity of your experience. It's a way to bypass the usual mental chatter and get straight to the heart of things. Creative expression can be a really gentle way to start exploring.

Combining IFS with Psychodynamic Concepts

Psychodynamic therapy looks at how your past, especially your early relationships, shapes who you are today. When I combine this with IFS, you can get a clearer picture of why certain parts of you developed the way they did. For example, maybe a protective part emerged because of something that happened when you were a kid. Understanding that history can help you have more compassion for that part and help it update its strategies. It's about seeing the whole story, not just the current chapter. This can really help in understanding how early messages about gender might have influenced your internal system.

ERP and IFS for Obsessive Thoughts Related to Gender

Obsessive thoughts, especially around gender identity or body image, can be really tough. Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is a method that's proven effective for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. When I pair ERP with IFS, I can look at the parts that might be driving those obsessive thoughts and compulsions. I work with those protective parts, understand their fears, and then use ERP techniques to help you face those fears without getting stuck in the cycle.

It's about building resilience and learning to manage those difficult thoughts and urges from a place of Self-leadership. This integrated approach can be really helpful for untangling complex issues. IFS therapy can provide a foundation for this work.

IFS for Partners and Families Navigating Transition

When someone you love starts their gender transition, it's a big deal, not just for them, but for everyone close to them. It can bring up a whole mix of feelings, and that's totally okay. You might feel excited for them, but also a bit worried about what it all means for your relationship or your family. It's like you're on a journey together, but you're also on your own path of understanding and feeling things out.

Supporting Loved Ones Through Their Transition

It's completely normal to have different parts of yourself reacting to your loved one's transition. Maybe one part is really happy and supportive, cheering them on. Another part might feel a bit scared, perhaps worried about how others will react or how your life together might change. There could even be a part that's grieving the way things used to be, even while you're celebrating the new beginnings.

The Internal Family Systems model helps you look at these different parts with curiosity, not judgment. I can help you learn what each part needs and how they can work together, so you can be a supportive presence for your loved one while also taking care of yourself. It's about finding a balance where you can honor their journey and your own feelings at the same time. This kind of support is vital for affirming gender journeys.

Managing Conflicting Emotions as a Partner

Relationships shift, and that's a given, especially during a transition. You might be figuring out new ways to connect, what intimacy looks like now, or how to keep that closeness when so much is changing. It's common for partners to question their own sexuality or identity as their loved one transitions. These are big questions, and they deserve a safe space to be explored.

In my work with partners, I help you work through how past experiences might be influencing your current feelings and help you understand your own needs within the relationship. It's not about choosing between supporting your partner and honoring your own process; it's about finding a way to do both.

Creating Affirming Family Environments

For parents of trans or non-binary teens, seeing your child step into their authentic self can be amazing, but it can also bring up a lot of questions and concerns. You want to be the best support possible, but sometimes the emotions – love, worry, confusion – can feel overwhelming. IFS can help you sort through these feelings.

I can help you look at protective parts that might be driven by fear, and also acknowledge the parts that are full of pride and love. The goal is to build a home where your child feels seen and safe, while also making sure you have the space and support to learn and grow alongside them. This creates a stronger, more connected family unit where everyone's experience is valued.

Here are some common areas I explore with families:

• Navigating conversations: Figuring out how to talk to extended family, friends, or even your child's school about their identity.
• Understanding changing dynamics: Adjusting to new pronouns, names, and how your child expresses themselves.
• Self-care for caregivers: Recognizing that you need support too, and finding ways to recharge so you can be present for your child and yourself.
• Processing grief and joy: Holding space for the sadness about what might feel lost, while also celebrating the happiness of your child's authentic self.

The Role of the Core Self in Gender Affirmation

Accessing Inner Wisdom and Compassion

At the heart of the Internal Family Systems model is the concept of the Core Self. Think of it as your true essence, the part of you that's always been there, even when other parts of you were working overtime to protect you or cope with difficult stuff. This Self is characterized by qualities like curiosity, calm, clarity, courage, confidence, creativity, and connectedness.

When you're exploring your gender identity, accessing this Core Self is like finding your inner compass. It's the part of you that knows what feels authentic, even if other parts are scared or confused. It offers a deep well of compassion, not just for yourself, but for all the different parts within your internal system that might be struggling. This inner wisdom is what guides you toward a more genuine expression of who you are. It's about listening to that quiet, steady voice that affirms your truth, even when the outside world or internal critics are loud.

Leading Your Internal System with Clarity

Gender exploration can sometimes feel like a whirlwind of conflicting emotions and thoughts. You might have parts that are eager to express your gender, while others are worried about judgment or safety. The Core Self is the natural leader of your internal system. When you're connected to your Self, you can approach these different parts with understanding rather than getting caught up in their distress.

Instead of being pulled in multiple directions, your Core Self can help you see each part's intention – usually to protect you in some way – and guide them toward working together. This leadership isn't about control; it's about presence and calm guidance. It allows you to respond to situations related to your gender identity with more intention and less reactivity.

This clarity helps in making decisions about social or medical transition, or simply in how you present yourself to the world, all from a place of inner knowing. It's about bringing harmony to your inner world so you can show up more fully in your outer life. You can learn more about how IFS therapy can help you access this inner leadership.

Cultivating Courage and Confidence

Affirming your gender identity often requires courage. There might be societal pressures, family dynamics, or internalized beliefs that make it feel risky to be fully yourself. The Core Self is inherently courageous and confident. By connecting with this part of you, you can tap into that inherent strength. It's not about eliminating fear, but about acting alongside it, guided by your Self.

This process helps to update the strategies of protective parts that might be holding onto old fears. When your Core Self is leading, you can start to trust your own judgment and feel more secure in your identity. This builds a solid foundation of confidence that isn't dependent on external validation. It's about recognizing the inherent worth and validity of your gender experience, and feeling empowered to live it authentically. This inner confidence can ripple outwards, influencing how you interact with others and how you engage with the world, making your journey of gender affirmation feel more grounded and less daunting.

IFS for Body Image and Gender Dysphoria

Living in a body that doesn't quite feel like your own can be really tough. For folks exploring their gender identity, body image issues and gender dysphoria often go hand-in-hand. It's like there's this constant disconnect between how you feel inside and how your body presents to the world, or how others perceive it. This can make everyday things, like getting dressed or looking in the mirror, feel like a minefield.

Healing Critical Parts Related to Appearance

You might have parts of yourself that can be pretty harsh, right? When it comes to body image, these critical parts can really ramp up. They might focus on perceived flaws, compare you to others, or tell you you're not good enough. For trans and non-binary individuals, these critical parts might latch onto physical characteristics that feel incongruent with their gender identity.

In my practice, I help you notice these critical voices without getting swept away by them. You can start to understand what these parts are trying to protect you from – maybe they're trying to keep you safe from rejection or judgment. By acknowledging their intention, I can then work with you on softening their grip and introducing more compassionate perspectives from your Core Self.

Updating Protective Strategies for Body Image

Sometimes, your parts develop strategies to cope with body image distress or dysphoria. These might look like restrictive eating, excessive exercise, or avoiding social situations. While these strategies might have felt necessary at some point, they often end up causing more harm than good. As someone who specializes in eating disorders alongside gender-affirming care, I help you identify these protective parts and understand their role.

I can then work with them, showing them that there are gentler, more effective ways to feel safe and comfortable in your body. It's about updating their old rulebooks so they can help you live more fully, rather than holding you back.

Developing Self-Compassion for Your Body

This is where the real magic happens. Self-compassion isn't about pretending everything is perfect; it's about offering yourself kindness and understanding, especially when things are hard. For those experiencing gender dysphoria, this means learning to be gentle with the parts of your body that cause distress, while also recognizing the whole of who you are.

IFS encourages you to approach all your parts, even the ones that feel shame or pain about your body, with curiosity and acceptance. My goal is to help you build a more harmonious relationship with your physical self, honoring your authentic identity with kindness.

Here's a look at how different parts might show up:

• The Inner Critic: This part constantly points out perceived flaws and enforces rigid appearance standards.
• The Protector: This part might engage in avoidance behaviors (like skipping meals or avoiding mirrors) to shield you from pain.
• The Exile: This part might hold deep feelings of shame or sadness related to your body and gender.
• The Core Self: This is your inherent wisdom and compassion, ready to offer understanding and acceptance to all your parts.

Beginning Your IFS for Gender Exploration Journey

Starting therapy can feel like a big step, especially when you're exploring something as personal as your gender identity. It's totally normal to wonder what it's actually like to work with Internal Family Systems for this kind of exploration. Think of it as getting to know yourself on a deeper level, with someone who understands the unique challenges faced by the LGBTQ+ community. My goal is to help you connect with your authentic self, free from judgment.

What to Expect in IFS Therapy Sessions

When you first reach out, I offer a 20-minute free phone consultation to see if my approach feels like a good fit. This is your chance to ask questions and get a feel for how I work. You can book this consultation directly through my website. Then, if you decide to move forward, the initial sessions are about getting to know your internal world. I'll talk with you about what's going on for you right now and start to map out your internal system – those different parts of you that have different jobs and feelings.

It's not about rushing; your internal system actually guides the pace of everything. You might find yourself identifying parts pretty quickly, or it might take a bit longer to build trust with the process. That's perfectly okay.

I meet with clients on a weekly basis for one-hour therapy sessions. Some people prefer longer sessions or meeting more than once a week if they want to do more intensive work. Between sessions, I might send you journaling prompts to help you keep exploring on your own. If you're dealing with things like OCD related to gender, specific ERP exercises might be woven into the sessions too.

The Importance of a Free Consultation

That initial chat is super important. It's a low-pressure way to see if my approach aligns with what you're looking for. You can talk about your goals and concerns, and I can explain how IFS might help. It's also a chance for you to gauge if you feel comfortable and safe with me. Finding a therapist who gets your experience, especially within the queer and trans community, makes a huge difference. It's about finding someone who can offer affirming care that truly honors your journey.

Your Unique Healing Process with IFS

Everyone's journey with IFS is different, and that's the beauty of it. There's no one-size-fits-all approach. Your internal system has its own wisdom and timeline. Some people might find that they quickly understand how their parts work together, while others need more time to build a relationship with their Self – that core of calm and compassion within you.

My role is to support your process, not to push you in a certain direction. I'll help you work with your protective parts, understand exiled feelings, and ultimately lead from your Self. It's about gentle exploration and healing at a pace that feels right for you, honoring all the different aspects of who you are.

Group IFS Therapy for Community and Connection

Sometimes, talking things out one-on-one just doesn't cut it, right? Especially when you're exploring something as personal as gender identity. That's where group therapy comes in. It's like finding your people, a place where you don't have to explain yourself constantly. You can just be there, be seen, and realize you're not the only one going through this. It's pretty powerful, honestly.

Think about it: you're in a room with other folks who just get it. They understand the nuances of gender exploration, the internal struggles, and the journey of self-discovery. Sharing stories in these safe spaces can be incredibly validating. You might hear someone describe a part of their internal system that sounds exactly like one of yours. That moment of recognition? It's gold. It helps chip away at that feeling of isolation that can creep in when you feel different.

Shared Healing Within the LGBTQ+ Community

Group therapy offers a unique kind of healing, especially within the LGBTQ+ community. It's a space where shared experiences can lead to collective growth. You get to witness other people's internal journeys, which can offer new perspectives on your own. It's not just about individual healing; it's about building a sense of belonging and mutual support. You learn from each other's struggles and triumphs, creating a tapestry of shared understanding.

Practicing Self-Leadership in Relationships

These groups aren't just about talking; they're about practicing. You get to try out leading your internal system, your Self, in real-time, with real people. You might learn how to set boundaries with others, or how to express your needs more clearly, all while being supported by the group. It's a low-stakes environment to build confidence in how you show up in the world and in your relationships. You can practice being curious and compassionate towards others' parts, which often translates back to how you treat your own internal family.

Reducing Isolation and Building Support

Let's be real, feeling alone is tough. Group therapy actively works against that. By connecting with others who share similar experiences, you build a network of support that can extend far beyond the therapy room. These connections can become lasting friendships and a source of ongoing encouragement. It's about finding your chosen family, people who truly understand and champion your journey. This shared experience helps reduce shame and builds a stronger sense of community, reminding you that you are never truly alone.

Moving Forward with Your Inner Self

Exploring your gender identity is a personal journey, and using Internal Family Systems can really help you make sense of all the different feelings and parts of yourself. It's not about forcing yourself to be one way or another, but about getting to know all the pieces of who you are with kindness. Remember, your Core Self is always there, ready to guide you toward a more authentic and peaceful life. Keep exploring, be patient with yourself, and know that you have the inner resources to navigate this path.

If you're ready to begin this journey or want to learn more about how IFS can support your gender exploration, I invite you to book a free 20-minute consultation through my website. Let's talk about your unique needs and see if working together feels like the right fit.

Frequently Asked Questions

What exactly is the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model?

Think of your mind like a family with different members, or 'parts.' Parts can be thoughts, feelings, urges, memories or images. IFS therapy helps you understand these parts. Each part has its own feelings and jobs. Some parts might try to keep you safe by being really careful, while others might hold onto old hurts. IFS believes that deep down, you have a wise and kind 'Self' that can help all these parts get along better.

How can IFS help me explore my gender identity?

Sometimes, different parts of you might have different feelings about your gender. One part might feel a strong pull to express yourself in a certain way, while another part might be scared of what others will think. In my practice, I help you listen to all these parts, understand their worries, and connect with your core Self to figure out what feels most true for you.

What if I have parts that are critical of my gender feelings?

It's common to have parts that criticize or judge your feelings, especially about gender. These critical parts often show up because they're trying to protect you from something they fear, like rejection or judgment. I help you understand why these parts are acting this way and show them that your core Self can lead with kindness, so they don't have to be so harsh anymore.

Can IFS help with gender dysphoria?

Yes! Gender dysphoria can feel really tough, and often certain parts of you are deeply affected by it. I can help you understand the parts that are hurting, the parts that are trying to protect you from that pain, and connect you with your Self to find ways to feel more at home in your body and with your identity.

Is IFS useful if I've experienced trauma related to my gender identity?

Absolutely. Many people in the LGBTQ+ community have experienced trauma. IFS is a gentle approach that works with your protective parts first to build safety before exploring painful memories. It helps heal the wounds of trauma without overwhelming you, letting your inner system guide the healing process at its own pace.

How does IFS work with the 'Core Self'?

The 'Core Self' is like the calm, wise leader within you. It has qualities like compassion, curiosity, and courage. My work focuses on helping you access and connect with this Self so it can guide your inner parts. When your Self is in charge, your parts can relax, feel understood, and work together more harmoniously.

Can IFS help my family understand my gender journey?

While IFS primarily focuses on your internal system, understanding your own parts can help you communicate your needs more clearly to your family. I also work with family members who want to understand their own reactions and feelings about your transition, which can lead to better communication and support.

What if I'm not sure if I'm 'trans' or something else?

That's perfectly okay! IFS is great for exploring uncertainty. It helps you look at all the different feelings and thoughts you have about your gender without judgment. Instead of trying to find a label right away, you can explore what feels right and true for you, led by your wise Self.