therapy for partners & spouses of transgender individuals in philadelphia, pa
A safe place to navigate the feelings that come with your partner’s transtion.
While you love your partner, your world is turned upside down.
Your partner’s journey can bring big changes—to your relationship, your identity, and how you move through the world.
-
Up until now, it seemed like you had it all. A spouse whom you loved, a beautiful house, and a career that you were thriving in. But your partner just dropped a major bomb on you, and you don’t know where to turn.
You desperately want someone to talk to, but your spouse isn’t ready to come out yet. When your friends ask how you’re doing, you say ‘fine’, but deep down you’re terrified because you don’t know what your future holds. You can’t turn to your family because you fear they’ll be disappointed and that you’ve somehow failed them. Or maybe you don’t want to be told to get a divorce because you’re not sure how you want to move forward in the relationship.
The vision you had for your life has been completely decimated and you’re worried you won’t be attracted to your partner anymore. Sometimes it feels like you’re grieving the relationship you thought you had, and you’re angry at your spouse for blowing up your life.
You want your partner to be happy but you don’t want to sacrifice your own well-being.
-
You’re proud of your queer identity, which is why your partner’s gender journey has thrown you in a loop. You feel 100 percent supportive of their happiness, but you’re not sure what this means for you and your relationship.
Maybe you are worried you won’t be attracted to your partner’s new presentation. Your relationship might appear more straight-passing because of your partner’s transition, and you worry you’ll be judged by your queer friends or worse, excluded from queer spaces.
-
It’s post gender-surgery, and you’re in the thick of taking care of your partner while trying to work from home, walk the dog, and maybe get a moment to yourself. You’re happy for your partner, even excited about this new milestone in their journey, but you feel stretched thin.
Sometimes your partner's gender dysphoria comes up in fights and you’re not sure how to resolve it because it feels like you keep saying the wrong thing.
The holidays can be a mixed bag, because while your parents mean well, they ask questions that baffle you at best, but mostly just frustrate you. Or maybe you or your partner’s parents aren’t speaking to you at all.
Maybe you…
You’re looking for help with…
Coming out to your family and friends as a visibly queer couple
Questioning whether or not you want to stay in the relationship
Changes in your identity as a result of your partner’s gender journey
Ending your current relationship, separating, or divorce
Ways to be there for your trans partner in their gender journey
Educating your family and friends about your partner and their gender transition
There’s no blueprint when you have a trans partner, and it can feel like you’re winging it most of the time.
Therapy can help you sort through your own feelings about your partner’s journey in a judgement-free space, just for you.
You don’t have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings, and can be truly honest with yourself on what you want for your life.
When partners of trans folks have real support, the whole relationship has a chance to thrive. You can feel even closer to your partner in truly rich and beautiful ways. It comes with the radical honesty and open communication that is necessary when a partner transitions. This is true whether you’re staying together, or breaking up.
What makes my practice different
As a spouse of a trans woman, I truly understand the ups and downs of this journey.
When your trans partner begins their gender journey, you're navigating uncharted territory together. I combine my lived experience with advanced training in gender-affirming care to create a space where you can be honest about how you feel and make steps that align with what you truly want. Whether you're processing unexpected emotions, redefining intimacy and sex, or seeking guidance on how to be truly supportive, I provide specialized therapy designed specifically for partners like you.
My approach is insight-oriented and experiential. That means we’re going to focus on helping you understand yourself, connect to your feelings, and identify concrete tools that you can use outside of the therapy room. We’ll address the questions and stories about your identity that will inevitably come up because of your partner’s transition.
Therapy is a part of self-care, and we’ll expand on that by helping you find new ways to incorporate rest, pleasure and fun in your life.
My Specialized Approach to Partner Support
My therapeutic approach combines multiple evidence-based modalities specifically tailored for partners navigating gender transition. Unlike traditional therapy that might not understand the nuances of supporting a trans partner, I bring both professional expertise and personal understanding to our work together.
IFS Therapy
-
You might have a part that's excited about their journey, while another part feels scared about changes in your sex life or worried about family reactions. Through IFS, we'll help these parts work together harmoniously, allowing you to show up fully for both yourself and your partner.
Art Therapy
-
Art therapy provides a powerful non-verbal outlet for processing emotions that words can't quite capture. Many partners find that creating visual representations of their journey helps them understand their feelings more deeply. Art can help you address your conflicting feelings around your spouses’s transition including grief, excitement, and anxiety. You don't need to be an artist or have any art background to benefit from art therapy.
Psychodynamic Therapy
-
Understanding these connections helps you understand your own want and needs so you can make decisions from a more grounded place.
Common Challenges We'll Address Together
Every person's experience supporting their transitioning partner is unique, but certain challenges frequently arise. In our therapy sessions, we'll address whatever specific concerns you're facing, which might include:
Navigating Intimacy Changes:
Medical transition, including hormone therapy, can affect your partner's libido, body, and emotional responses. Together, we'll explore how to maintain and redefine intimacy as your partner's relationship with their body evolves. This includes honest discussions about sex, attraction, and finding new ways to connect physically and emotionally.
Managing Family and Social Dynamics:
Coming out to family, close friends, and community members can be overwhelming for both partners. I'll help you develop strategies for these conversations, set appropriate boundaries, and handle both supportive and challenging responses from others.
Processing Your Own Identity Questions:
Your partner's transition might prompt you to examine your own sexuality and identity in new ways. This exploration deserves space and support. We'll work through these questions without pressure, helping you understand yourself more deeply while supporting your partner.
Building Support Networks:
You can't be your partner's only source of support, nor should you navigate this alone. We'll work on identifying and building support systems for both of you, including support groups for partners of transgender people and LGBTQ+-affirming community resources in Philadelphia.
Dealing with Gender Dysphoria Episodes:
Learning how to support your trans partner through dysphoria requires understanding, patience, and practical strategies. I'll teach you helpful responses and coping techniques that respect your partner's autonomy while allowing you to feel confident in your supportive role.
therapy can help you…
Talk About the Hard Stuff
Regardless of how you move forward in your relationship, you’ll have more strength to face difficult conversations while remaining grounded.
Reconnect with yourself
You’ll have the space to sort through your thoughts so you can find clarity on what you want for your life. You’ll have a stronger sense of self in this new normal.
Feel Less Alone
I’ll help you identify the people in your life that can be there for you, and explore other types of support such as support groups and couples therapy, if needed.
Accept Change
Therapy can help you process any losses associated with this journey, and roll with the many changes your partner is going through.
Prioritize Self-Care
You’ll explore ways to take care of yourself that are truly aligned with who you are. Together, we’ll brainstorm ways to make room for rest and pleasure in your life.
Cope with Uncertainty
The future you once pictured has now changed, and you don’t know what comes next. I’ll help you find ways to sit in the unknown and take it one day at a time.
You don’t have to lose yourself to be a supportive partner.
Together, let’s find a path forward that feels right for you.
Questions?
FAQs
Do you actually understand what it’s like to have a partner transition?
As someone with a trans spouse, I understand how important it is for you to have your own support. Your partner’s transition can bring up a lot of emotions and you deserve to have a safe, non-judgemental space where you can explore them.
I combine my lived experience with advanced training in common themes that people with a transitioning partner may face. If you’re processing whether you want to stay together, I aim to create a space where you can be honest with yourself. You won’t get any pressure from me, because I know that won’t help. I aim to be the therapist that I wish I had when my partner transitioned.
If you want to learn more about my story and how I work, check out my blog:
When Your Transgender Wife Comes Out: Notes from My Marriage and My Therapy Practice.
Can I talk about my own struggles without being judged or labeled transphobic?
Yes, I create a safe, neutral space where you can be honest about all of your feelings. I believe you can struggle with your partner’s transition AND be supportive of trans identities. They are not mutually exclusive and can co-exist simultaneously. Even if you are excited about your partner’s transition, it’s still a big change and it’s okay to not always feel positive about it. Transition can bring changes to your sex life that you didn’t expect and having your own space to talk to through those feelings can be helpful.
I’m worried therapy will secretly be about fixing my feelings about my partner’s transition.
Yes, this is your space to be as open and as honest as possible. I believe that your feelings need to be acknowledged and heard in order to find inner peace. As someone with a trans spouse, I know how your partner’s experience can be a major focus and while that’s normal, you need your own space too. Having your own therapy will not only help your wellbeing, but will help you navigate your relationship. This is true whether you want to stay together or break up.
It's okay if you ultimately decide that the relationship can’t work for you. You and your spouse both deserve a relationship that is fulfilling and meets all of your needs.
Do you work with couples, indviduals or both? How does that work?
I provide individual therapy to people who have a trans partner or spouse and who are looking for support. Our therapy sessions would only include the non-transitioning partner, as I believe it is vital that they have their own support.
I am not a couples therapist, but if you’re looking for couples therapy, I have a network of great therapists that I can recommend to you.
Do we have to stay together?
No. I support individuals at any stage of this process including people who choose to end their relationship with their trans partner. Therapy can be helpful space to work on ending the relationship and seeking the support you need for yourself.
Will telling a friend out my partner?
Navigating your partner’s gender journey while getting your own support can be complicated. Finding trusted people in your life that you can talk to helps you feel less alone. Support groups, couples therapy, and trustworthy friends that you and your partner agree on can be good options