Why Do I Keep Repeating the Same Patterns? How Psychodynamic Therapy Uncovers the Roots of Your Struggles
Psychodynamic therapy offers a powerful pathway for understanding why you keep finding yourself in the same frustrating situations, relationships, and emotional cycles, even when you desperately want things to be different. If you've ever wondered why you attract the same types of partners, fall into familiar self-sabotaging behaviors, or struggle with recurring feelings that seem to come out of nowhere, you're not alone. These patterns often have deep roots that extend far beneath the surface of your conscious awareness, and uncovering them is the first step toward lasting change.
Psychodynamic therapy is an approach I use in my Philadelphia-based practice to help individuals, particularly those in the LGBTQ+ community and people navigating eating disorders and body image concerns, understand the unconscious forces that shape their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Rather than focusing solely on symptom management or quick fixes, this therapeutic approach invites you to explore the origins of your struggles so that genuine healing can take place. As a queer-identified therapist, I understand firsthand how important it is to work with someone who truly gets the complexities of identity, relationships, and the unique challenges that come with living authentically in a world that doesn't always make space for us.
Understanding Why We Repeat Patterns
Have you ever promised yourself that this time would be different, only to find yourself right back where you started? Maybe you've ended another relationship that felt eerily similar to the last one. Perhaps you've fallen into the same self-critical spiral after a stressful day at work. Or maybe you've found yourself people-pleasing to the point of exhaustion, despite knowing it leaves you feeling empty and resentful.
These repetitive patterns aren't signs of weakness or failure. They're actually your psyche's way of trying to work through unresolved experiences from your past. In psychodynamic therapy, we understand that much of what drives our behavior operates beneath our conscious awareness. The patterns you keep repeating often serve a purpose, even when that purpose no longer makes sense in your current life.
For many queer and trans individuals, these patterns can be especially complex. Growing up in a society that may not have affirmed your identity, you may have developed protective mechanisms that once kept you safe but now hold you back. Perhaps you learned to hide parts of yourself, to anticipate rejection, or to doubt your own perceptions. These adaptations made sense at the time, but they can create barriers to the authentic connections and self-acceptance you deserve now.
What Exactly Is Psychodynamic Therapy?
Psychodynamic therapy is rooted in the understanding that our current experiences are deeply influenced by our past, particularly our early relationships and formative experiences. This approach recognizes that we all carry unconscious beliefs, feelings, and memories that shape how we see ourselves, others, and the world around us.
Unlike approaches that focus primarily on changing thoughts or behaviors in the present moment, psychodynamic therapy invites deeper exploration. Together, we look at the underlying emotional experiences that drive your patterns. We pay attention to what happens in the therapeutic relationship itself, because how you relate to me often mirrors how you relate to others in your life. And we create space for feelings that may have been too overwhelming or unacceptable to fully experience in the past.
This approach is particularly meaningful for LGBTQ+ individuals who may have spent years suppressing or hiding aspects of themselves. Many of my clients in Philadelphia have shared that they never felt truly seen or understood in previous therapy experiences. Psychodynamic therapy offers something different: a space where all parts of you are welcome, including the parts you've learned to hide.
The Roots of Repetitive Patterns
Our earliest relationships create templates for how we expect relationships to function throughout our lives. These templates, sometimes called "attachment patterns" or "relational blueprints," operate largely outside our conscious awareness. They influence who we're attracted to, how we behave in close relationships, and even how we feel about ourselves.
For example, if you grew up with caregivers who were inconsistent in their emotional availability, you might find yourself drawn to partners who are similarly unpredictable. This isn't because you enjoy the drama or instability. It's because this dynamic feels familiar, and familiarity can masquerade as comfort even when it causes pain.
Similarly, if you received messages early in life that your needs were too much, or that you had to earn love through achievement or caretaking, these beliefs can persist into adulthood. You might find yourself constantly overworking, unable to ask for help, or feeling fundamentally unworthy of the love and care you crave.
For queer and trans individuals, there are often additional layers to unpack. Many of my clients have internalized messages about their identity being wrong, shameful, or unacceptable. These messages can manifest as perfectionism, people-pleasing, or a deep-seated fear of abandonment if they show their true selves. In psychodynamic therapy, we work together to bring these internalized beliefs into awareness so they can be examined and ultimately transformed.
How Psychodynamic Therapy Helps Break the Cycle
The process of psychodynamic therapy involves creating a safe, consistent relationship where you can begin to explore the patterns that have kept you stuck. This isn't a quick-fix approach. It requires patience and commitment. But the changes that emerge tend to be profound and lasting because they address the root causes of your struggles rather than just the surface symptoms.
Here's what you can expect as we work together:
Building Awareness of Unconscious Patterns
Much of what drives our repetitive behaviors happens outside our conscious awareness. Through our conversations, you'll begin to notice patterns you may never have recognized before. You might start to see how certain situations trigger old emotional responses, or how your reactions to present-day events are colored by past experiences. This awareness itself is transformative. Once you can see a pattern, you have more choice about whether to continue it.
Exploring the Origins of Your Struggles
Understanding where your patterns came from provides crucial context for self-compassion. When you realize that your perfectionism developed as a way to feel safe in an unpredictable childhood environment, or that your difficulty trusting others stems from early experiences of betrayal, you can begin to release the shame that often accompanies these patterns. You weren't broken. You were adapting to circumstances as best you could.
Processing Unresolved Emotions
Many repetitive patterns persist because they're tied to emotions that were never fully processed. Perhaps you learned early on that anger wasn't acceptable, so you stuffed it down. Maybe sadness felt too vulnerable, so you learned to numb yourself instead. In psychodynamic therapy, we create space for these unexpressed emotions to finally be felt and integrated. This emotional processing is often what allows lasting change to occur.
Experiencing New Relational Patterns
The therapeutic relationship itself becomes a place where new patterns can develop. As we work together over time, you may find yourself relating to me in ways that mirror your patterns with others. When this happens, we can explore it together in real-time. And as you experience a relationship characterized by consistency, acceptance, and genuine care, you internalize a new template for what relationships can be.
The Connection Between Patterns and Identity
For LGBTQ+ individuals, repetitive patterns often intersect with experiences of identity in complex ways. Coming out, navigating relationships, and living authentically in a world that can still be hostile toward queer and trans people all require immense psychological resources. The patterns that developed as protective mechanisms may now create barriers to the full, authentic life you deserve.
Many of my clients have found that their struggles with perfectionism, people-pleasing, or chronic self-doubt are deeply connected to their experiences as LGBTQ+ individuals. Perhaps you learned to constantly scan for signs of rejection or disapproval. Maybe you developed a habit of minimizing your needs to avoid taking up too much space. Or you might find yourself in a cycle of seeking validation from others because you never fully received it for who you truly are.
Psychodynamic therapy provides a space to untangle these threads, helping you understand how your identity and your patterns have influenced each other and discover new ways of being that honor all of who you are.
Patterns and Eating Disorders
The connection between repetitive psychological patterns and eating disorders is particularly significant. Disordered eating behaviors often serve as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions, to feel a sense of control, or to express feelings that seem impossible to put into words. These behaviors can become deeply ingrained patterns that feel impossible to break, even when you understand intellectually that they're harmful.
In my work with clients navigating eating disorders, I've found that psychodynamic therapy offers something essential: a pathway to understanding the emotional needs that disordered eating is trying to meet. Rather than simply focusing on food and eating behaviors, we explore the underlying feelings, beliefs, and relational patterns that drive these behaviors.
For queer and trans individuals, eating disorders often intersect with experiences of body dysphoria, societal pressure, and the complex relationship many LGBTQ+ people have with their bodies. Traditional eating disorder recovery approaches can sometimes feel alienating or miss these crucial connections. Psychodynamic therapy allows us to address these unique dimensions while still doing the deep work of understanding and transforming the patterns at the root of your struggles.
What a Psychodynamic Approach Looks Like in Practice
When you work with me, our sessions typically involve open-ended conversation where you're invited to share whatever is on your mind. This might include recent experiences, memories from the past, dreams, or feelings that arise in the moment. There's no rigid agenda. The process unfolds organically based on what emerges.
I listen not just for the content of what you share, but also for the emotions beneath the words, the themes that recur over time, and the ways your past might be influencing your present. I might gently draw your attention to patterns I notice, offer reflections that deepen your understanding, or share observations about what seems to be happening between us in the therapeutic relationship.
This approach may feel different from other therapy you've experienced. It's less structured, more exploratory, and requires a willingness to sit with uncertainty. But many of my clients find that this open-ended approach allows them to access parts of themselves they've never been able to reach before.
I also integrate other modalities into my work, including Internal Family Systems, art therapy, and Exposure and Response Prevention when appropriate. These approaches complement the psychodynamic foundation and allow us to address your unique needs from multiple angles.
Is Psychodynamic Therapy Right for You?
Psychodynamic therapy may be a good fit if you find yourself asking questions like:
Why do I keep ending up in the same types of relationships?
Why can't I stop the behaviors I know are harmful?
Why do I feel so disconnected from my own emotions?
Why do I still feel affected by things that happened years ago?
Why do I struggle to feel truly comfortable in my own skin?
This approach is also particularly valuable if you've tried other forms of therapy but found that the changes didn't stick, or if you feel like there's something deeper going on beneath your symptoms that hasn't been addressed.
Psychodynamic therapy requires a commitment to the process. Change happens gradually, through consistent sessions over time. It's not always comfortable. Bringing unconscious material into awareness can stir up difficult feelings. But if you're ready to do this deeper work, the rewards can be profound.
Beginning Your Journey
If you're curious about whether psychodynamic therapy might help you understand and transform your repetitive patterns, I invite you to reach out for a free 20-minute phone consultation. This is an opportunity for us to connect, for you to ask questions, and for us both to get a sense of whether we'd be a good fit for working together.
You can book your consultation directly through my website. If we decide to move forward, we'll schedule your first session and I'll send you information to set up your client portal and complete the intake paperwork. In that first session, we'll talk about what's bringing you to therapy, what you hope to achieve, and begin to explore your story together.
You don't have to keep repeating the same patterns. With the right support, you can understand where these patterns came from, develop compassion for the parts of yourself that created them, and discover new ways of being that align with who you truly are. I would be honored to be part of that journey.
Frequently Asked Questions About Psychodynamic Therapy and Repeating Patterns
What makes psychodynamic therapy different from other types of therapy?
Psychodynamic therapy focuses on understanding the unconscious roots of your current struggles rather than primarily addressing surface-level symptoms. This approach explores how your past experiences, particularly early relationships and formative events, continue to influence your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors today. The goal is lasting change that comes from genuine insight and emotional processing, not just learning new coping techniques or thought patterns.
How long does psychodynamic therapy typically take to see results?
Psychodynamic therapy is generally a longer-term approach because meaningful change takes time when you're addressing deep-seated patterns. Many clients begin noticing increased self-awareness and subtle shifts within the first few months, while more substantial transformation often unfolds over a year or longer. The timeline varies based on individual circumstances, and we'll regularly check in about your progress and goals together.
Can psychodynamic therapy help with eating disorders?
Psychodynamic therapy can be a valuable approach for addressing eating disorders because it explores the underlying emotional needs and relational patterns that drive disordered eating behaviors. Rather than focusing solely on food and eating, this approach helps you understand what emotional functions these behaviors serve and address the root causes. I often integrate psychodynamic work with other modalities to provide comprehensive support for eating disorder recovery.
Is psychodynamic therapy effective for LGBTQ+ individuals?
Psychodynamic therapy can be particularly meaningful for LGBTQ+ individuals because it provides space to explore how identity, early experiences, and internalized messages have shaped your patterns. Many queer and trans people have developed protective mechanisms in response to living in a society that may not have affirmed their identity, and psychodynamic therapy helps bring these adaptations into awareness so they can be examined and transformed.
What happens during a psychodynamic therapy session?
Sessions typically involve open-ended conversation where you share whatever is on your mind, including recent experiences, memories, dreams, or feelings that arise in the moment. I listen for patterns, underlying emotions, and connections between past and present. I might offer reflections, draw attention to themes I notice, or explore what's happening in our therapeutic relationship. The process is collaborative and unfolds based on what emerges organically.
How is psychodynamic therapy different from psychoanalysis?
While psychodynamic therapy shares roots with psychoanalysis, it's generally more flexible and accessible. Psychoanalysis traditionally involves multiple sessions per week and can continue for many years, while psychodynamic therapy typically meets once weekly and can vary in duration. Both approaches value exploring the unconscious and understanding how the past influences the present, but psychodynamic therapy is adapted for contemporary needs and settings.
What if I don't remember much about my childhood?
Many people don't have clear memories of their early years, and that's perfectly normal. Psychodynamic therapy doesn't require detailed recall of your past. Instead, we work with what emerges naturally, including patterns in your current relationships, emotional reactions that seem disproportionate to present circumstances, and the way you relate within our therapeutic relationship. These present-moment experiences provide rich material for understanding your unconscious patterns.
Can psychodynamic therapy be combined with other therapeutic approaches?
Psychodynamic therapy provides a foundation that can be integrated with other modalities. In my practice, I often combine psychodynamic exploration with Internal Family Systems, art therapy, and Exposure and Response Prevention when appropriate. This integrative approach allows us to address your unique needs from multiple angles while maintaining the depth that psychodynamic work provides.
How do I know if my patterns are something psychodynamic therapy can address?
If you find yourself repeatedly ending up in similar situations despite your best efforts to change, experiencing emotions that seem disconnected from current events, or struggling to understand why you do what you do, psychodynamic therapy may help. The approach is particularly useful for patterns related to relationships, self-esteem, identity, and behaviors that feel compulsive or automatic.
What should I look for in a psychodynamic therapist?
Finding the right therapist involves both professional qualifications and personal fit. Look for someone with specific training in psychodynamic approaches and experience working with concerns similar to yours. Equally important is feeling a sense of safety and connection with your therapist, as the therapeutic relationship is central to this work. I offer a free 20-minute consultation so we can both assess whether we'd be a good fit before committing to working together.